Pressure In HD

Mmm num ba de, dum bum ba be, doo buh dum ba beh beh….Pressure! Pushing down on me, pressing down on you….dah dah dahhhhh. I wasn’t going to be able to write this without getting that out of the way first. Long live Freddie Mercury, carrying on…

Pressure has two faces. One side can push you to overcome, power through, break up with that loser and sometimes perform miracles by losing that last 10 pounds you’ve hung onto since college. The other side can make you feel angry, lonely and sad while simultaneously hitting you in the face with all the reasons you should give up. Good or bad, pressure can be consuming. Joy sucking, consuming.

Anxiety is pressures’ best friend. The kind that tells you how good you look in those gaucho pants. We as a society are immensely driven to look our best, make loads of money, eat organic, and “live our best life.” When we’re not able to live up to those expectations, we get anxiety. Anxiety gives you wrinkles.

If you’ve had any social media exposure, you know that not only can you see tear jerking videos of puppies who have made it out of the puppy mill but also pictures and videos of “normal” people seemingly having it all and thriving all over the internet. Good stuff, right? How does that make you feel? For me, it’s conditional. If I have managed to eat well, workout, keep my house clean and dress my baby in cute outfits for a few consecutive days, it doesn’t bother me as much because I feel like I’m a member of their exclusive club. “Yeah girl, I know EXACTLY how you feel when you drink that celery juice!” “Wod’s, soul cycle, pilates, GOT IT!” “Yeah bro, I too eat kale!” Pat on the back, I’ve got my life together.

Then there are the days where I’ve fallen off the bandwagon. I didn’t have time to workout, my house isn’t perfect and my baby is running around with only a diaper on and applesauce all over her. Not to mention being a new mother and having to find my way through the sea of “influencers.” They have it all down and use all the things that I too must have in order to be a good and engaged Mother. Those days tear me down and make me feel like I’m failing. I don’t even want wine, I’m that deep in a self pity hole. I try to put my feelings into perspective. These are first world problems, I know this. But they are my level 10, red light warning problems regardless. Does this happen to you?

Could you imagine not having the tools to mentally pull yourself out of the dark hole of shame? MOST PEOPLE DON’T. Most people have no idea how to help themselves. What happens then? You stay in that hole. You get grumpy. You eat your feelings with a bag of Funyuns and start telling yourself “what does it matter?” We go back on social media to rub salt in the wound and pout. Instagram search: weight-loss. That’s a rabbit hole you DO NOT want to go down. We’ve all been there. Why do we do this? Hello?! You were raised better. Not only does this affect you and your mood, but also your partner. You undoubtedly go off on them because if you don’t get the feelings out, you’re going to explode. Hopefully you have someone who can take the punches and come back for more. Pro tip if you need it, get in your car, turn the music up really loud, and either sing or scream, maybe a little bit of both so you don’t lose your ever loving mind in that moment.

Please don’t feel crazy because this gets to you. Don’t feel weak or less than. This kind of disappointment reaches all ages, all collars, and all relationships. Know this, comparison will KILL your happiness. It’s a daily evaluation for me. I’m not proud of this and I certainly do not want to program my daughter to check herself up against social media. I have challenged myself to change this and if you’re like me, I’m challenging you, too.

Cheers to you, cheers to us,

Lana

Where My Golden Girls At?

Thank you for being a friend. If you haven’t watched the Golden Girls, you’re not living life to its fullest potential. If your dream isn’t to live with your best girlfriends (I would be Dorothy) on the beach when you’re old and your husbands have long since pissed you off, I ain’t here for you, honey britches.

Let’s talk about friendship. High School. Let’s start there. Do you remember being terrified of not being cool? Do these Abercrombie jeans make me look like I’m 18? Have you seen my Doc Martens anywhere? When all you thought about was what you and your friends were going to do next and how you were going to convince your parents that Emily’s parents were totally going to be there on Saturday night. You had a clique and as long as you had them with you, you were in the safe zone. But OMG when you were a one man show, lord help your little lost lamb. It doesn’t matter if you were that stuck up cheerleader or obnoxious know it all who rolled their eyes at anything fun. Your social status has no playground here, you’re an adult now and nobody cares that you had the hottest boyfriend who is now, after all these years FINALLY the manager of the grocery store. Swoon.

College. Where friendship could be bought in many ways and you could easily meet your new BFF in any bar bathroom when you held her phone while she peed or took selfies with her because bathroom selfies were all the rage. You didn’t really care if you were cool, you had your own place, well you weren’t living at home anyway, and you could eat and drink whatever you wanted and not do laundry for a month all while smoking cigs. Bliss.

On to Adulthood. Here’s where it gets rough. You’re out of college and your “bitches” have either grown with you and got big kid jobs or have remained a permanent fixture on the bar scene. You start to figure out that you can’t go out every night because you have to be at work in the morning and why does my head hurt so bad? The friends who don’t have jobs get annoyed and they invite you out less and less, you get it. So then you have your work friends. Some of those are legit and others it’s like a second and third job to be nice and politely come up with yet another excuse why you simply can’t go to their bbq this weekend but if you didn’t have them as work buddies, you’d be bored all day so sometimes you have to go to keep the peace.

So you get the timeline and how each phase of your life comes with a new set of people. You will have your few friends that you’ve had since childhood that you keep up with on social media, through your Mother or at Wal-Mart when you’re home for the holidays, if you’re lucky. What kind of friends do you want or need in your life right now? Do you need someone who’s motivating in nature and can help you get off your money maker and have fun or improve your self? Do you need someone who is like you or the complete opposite? Need another Mama to cuddle up to on those impossible days? Everyone needs something different. Or maybe you’re in that phase where you don’t have time for friends because you’re really focused on your career or your new man friend.

It’s hard to make friends. I need ladies who are real and want to enjoy life. If you are a crazy organized woman who carries a sack of supplements with you and does CrossFit for fun, I love it. If you are so obsessed with your animals that they have their own closet full of clothes, I love that too. As long as you’re doing what makes you happy and don’t sugar coat the “crazy”, I want to know you. These days there are a lot of women who have two sides. One for social media and one at home in their old skanky cheer shorts and dirty feet. Listen, if you don’t have the boobs to be you in front of the internet, I would hate to hear your thoughts when you lay down at night. There’s a reason you don’t feel like you can be you and I hate that for you. Now I get it. I get why women feel the need to look their best and show their best life for all to see. Judgement is hard. Feeling less than is hard. Maybe if I show this picture of me all dressed up for a fun night on the town other girls will see it, like it and want to be my friend! Y’all, we’re all still little girls inside who want friends and ponies. Many things set women apart. Money, children, religion, jealousy, six pack abs, careers, eyelashes for example. If we all looked the same, we’d all be friends.

I said all of that to say this…let’s be friends! I want to grow, learn and experience all that you have to offer. Looking at myself and analyzing how I’ve been so unapproachable in many settings. Why was I like that? Probably because I was scared of being judged or maybe I was people watching and my RBF was on display in full force. Either way, I don’t want someone to look at me and think they can’t come chat. I want my daughter to know how precious friendships are to your soul. I want her to be able to walk up to anyone, introduce herself and have an experience. I don’t need the fake you. You don’t have to keep her around anymore, the real you is where it’s at. You’re doing great!

Cheers, Lana.

Well, Hello There

Life is hard. I don’t care who you are or what walk of life you come from. After years of therapy and countless hours of analyzing any and everything, I thought it was time to put my work on the screen. Please allow me to introduce myself…

Hi, I’m Lana. I’m a new mother who recently left the corporate world for diapers, drool and cuddles. I am married to a man who sets the world on fire every day while conquering the business universe one solution at a time. I have two dogs, yes, they are yorkies, were you thinking that? Spot on. I have an obsessive personality which is SUPER fun for my inner circle but I love fiercely so hopefully that makes up for it? I get a high from organizing just about anything and wiping countertops is right up there with rum and Diet Coke (with a twist of lime) on my happy list.

This “blog” will be a place where you can feel at home and maybe find a bit of humor and/or relief in my experiences. If you’re going through it, chances are, I’ve been there too or have some thoughts on the issue that can maybe be of use. So, Hi. Welcome! Let’s do life.

Cheers to you!

Photo Credit: Photo Love photography