Hopefully you know by now that I am a huge advocate of therapy. I started heavily working and investing in myself when I was 27 years old coming out of a divorce. Before that, I was a scared, weak and lost little girl. Therapy needs a fan club. It needs to be openly talked about because it can change and enrich your life in so many ways. After all, who wants to live a life where you miss out on letting your true, crazy self shine? No, thank you.
At the very young age of 33, I finally have that urge to “live life to the fullest” and “grab life by the horns.” Why? Because it’s mine, damn it and I’m owning it for the first time in my life. But here’s the thing, I don’t want to live life the way I’ve been doing it, you hear me? I want to live it fearlessly. Like singing karaoke while sober fearlessly. I want to go for whatever my little heart desires. I want to walk into a new fitness class alone and not want to crawl into a hole because I’m so worried about what people are thinking about me and if my leggings are good enough. I want to be me, not what I’m expected to be by anyone or what insta tells me I should be. Therapy has helped me find my true self and embrace her. Yay, therapy!
COUPLES THERAPY– Picture me with Pom-poms behind you while reading this. Therapy has made my marriage un-damn-breakable. My husband and I go to therapy every week. We FIGHT for us, our future and our sanity. Sometimes we don’t have much to talk about, other times we come in ready to do battle because it’s been a long, stressful week and me not putting my coffee cup in the dishwasher sends him into orbit along with his never ending complaining about something just gets too much for me to take. At times it’s simply letting off steam, other times it’s hard “look into yourself” stuff. Sometimes we walk out and don’t speak, other times we get in the car and the “I love yous” flow like a perfectly tempered red wine. In doing couples therapy, you’ll find out real quick if you’re with a willing partner who’s in it for the long haul or not.
Quick side story: my first marriage ended in therapy. But not the way you think. I was the fighter, I had the questions and determination to see it through, I was going to fix us. My ex husband was asked, “What could Lana start or stop doing to help your marriage?” He thought about it and after about 6 minutes he said, “nothing.” The therapist told him to REALLY think and after another 6 or so minutes he said “she could stop leaving her makeup on the bathroom counter.” BOY… BYE. I had poured my heart out for years trying to get him to return the gesture so we could get a better understating of each other and make this marriage last. I knew right then he had no interest in fighting for us. I filed for divorce the next day. I am so thankful for his response. It put me on the path that would forever change my life.
How’s your marriage or relationship? Have you ever thought about therapy for the two of you or for yourself? DO IT. I can’t even begin to explain how it has changed our lives for the better and made us stronger people, not to mention better parents. There is no shame in our game, people. We could talk about therapy for days. We don’t go because we’re on the verge of divorce or because we’re crazy people. We go because we want to invest in our relationship and better understand how to be there for each other and support one anothers dreams.
Wrapping this up, you don’t automatically grow up just because you get older. You have to learn how to be yourself. Your true self. Not some grumpy, sass-filled lady who gives shout outs to her haters and spends all of her time talking about everyone else while she’s secretly lonely and depressed waiting on her pizza. You can’t hair cut away your sadness, people. I tried that too. We all need different things. Some are normal to need and some need to go the eff away. YOU have to make that happen. Attention, drama, guilt, insecurities… these will keep your true self hidden and denied. Learn about yourself. Why do you need so much attention? Why do you have shame or guilt? Where does it come from? HELP YOURSELF BE BETTER. STOP WAITING TO LIVE YOUR LIFE. I’m sorry I yelled. But did you hear me? I hope so.
Go to therapy, read the self help books, listen to the podcast. Invest in yourself and your happiness. Imagine the kind of wife, mother, friend, daughter, employee you could be if you were whole heartedly happy with yourself. I know you’re doing the best you can right now, but it’s time to step up.