Therapy Corner-Come On Down

Hopefully you know by now that I am a huge advocate of therapy. I started heavily working and investing in myself when I was 27 years old coming out of a divorce. Before that, I was a scared, weak and lost little girl. Therapy needs a fan club. It needs to be openly talked about because it can change and enrich your life in so many ways. After all, who wants to live a life where you miss out on letting your true, crazy self shine? No, thank you.

At the very young age of 33, I finally have that urge to “live life to the fullest” and “grab life by the horns.” Why? Because it’s mine, damn it and I’m owning it for the first time in my life. But here’s the thing, I don’t want to live life the way I’ve been doing it, you hear me? I want to live it fearlessly. Like singing karaoke while sober fearlessly. I want to go for whatever my little heart desires. I want to walk into a new fitness class alone and not want to crawl into a hole because I’m so worried about what people are thinking about me and if my leggings are good enough. I want to be me, not what I’m expected to be by anyone or what insta tells me I should be. Therapy has helped me find my true self and embrace her. Yay, therapy!

COUPLES THERAPY– Picture me with Pom-poms behind you while reading this. Therapy has made my marriage un-damn-breakable. My husband and I go to therapy every week. We FIGHT for us, our future and our sanity. Sometimes we don’t have much to talk about, other times we come in ready to do battle because it’s been a long, stressful week and me not putting my coffee cup in the dishwasher sends him into orbit along with his never ending complaining about something just gets too much for me to take. At times it’s simply letting off steam, other times it’s hard “look into yourself” stuff. Sometimes we walk out and don’t speak, other times we get in the car and the “I love yous” flow like a perfectly tempered red wine. In doing couples therapy, you’ll find out real quick if you’re with a willing partner who’s in it for the long haul or not.

Quick side story: my first marriage ended in therapy. But not the way you think. I was the fighter, I had the questions and determination to see it through, I was going to fix us. My ex husband was asked, “What could Lana start or stop doing to help your marriage?” He thought about it and after about 6 minutes he said, “nothing.” The therapist told him to REALLY think and after another 6 or so minutes he said “she could stop leaving her makeup on the bathroom counter.” BOY… BYE. I had poured my heart out for years trying to get him to return the gesture so we could get a better understating of each other and make this marriage last. I knew right then he had no interest in fighting for us. I filed for divorce the next day. I am so thankful for his response. It put me on the path that would forever change my life.

How’s your marriage or relationship? Have you ever thought about therapy for the two of you or for yourself? DO IT. I can’t even begin to explain how it has changed our lives for the better and made us stronger people, not to mention better parents. There is no shame in our game, people. We could talk about therapy for days. We don’t go because we’re on the verge of divorce or because we’re crazy people. We go because we want to invest in our relationship and better understand how to be there for each other and support one anothers dreams.

Wrapping this up, you don’t automatically grow up just because you get older. You have to learn how to be yourself. Your true self. Not some grumpy, sass-filled lady who gives shout outs to her haters and spends all of her time talking about everyone else while she’s secretly lonely and depressed waiting on her pizza. You can’t hair cut away your sadness, people. I tried that too. We all need different things. Some are normal to need and some need to go the eff away. YOU have to make that happen. Attention, drama, guilt, insecurities… these will keep your true self hidden and denied. Learn about yourself. Why do you need so much attention? Why do you have shame or guilt? Where does it come from? HELP YOURSELF BE BETTER. STOP WAITING TO LIVE YOUR LIFE. I’m sorry I yelled. But did you hear me? I hope so.

Go to therapy, read the self help books, listen to the podcast. Invest in yourself and your happiness. Imagine the kind of wife, mother, friend, daughter, employee you could be if you were whole heartedly happy with yourself. I know you’re doing the best you can right now, but it’s time to step up.

Cheers, Lana.

Get That Look Off Your Face

Pre kids, it’s called being a b-i-t-c-h. Post kids, it’s called being a Mitch. Get it!? Mom +b-i-t-c-h = Mitch! (it’s not cussing if I spell it out like that) It doesn’t matter if you have offspring or not, this post is for you. Do you remember before you had kids or if you don’t have them or want them whatevs, how you said things like “my child will never eat processed foods,” or “my baby will always look so cute!” “I would never let my kid eat off a restaurant table.” Yeah, me too. What a heifer. IT. IS. EXHAUSTING. PEOPLE. It’s exhausting to constantly be aware that other Mom’s, women, children, men, someones Aunt is observing and judging you (Eye roll + sassy face). I whole heartedly want to sit here and type on about how you shouldn’t care what people think and do you and all that jazz but I can’t. The truth is I am always aware and always questioning myself. As if I didn’t already have enough stress in my life trying to keep another human alive and thriving.

Ok, so to break this down:

If you don’t have kids…just shut your face. Unless you’re a professor in child raising or have had extended teachings on what’s best for a baby in 2019, just keep your sleep filled thoughts to yourself. I was this person. I was judgey AF every time I heard a baby cry in public. I said things to myself like “omg are you going to tend to your child or just let them scream?” “Can you not take the time to clean that poor kids face off?” “Why are there stains all over that shirt, do you not care what your kid looks like?” Don’t even get me started on kids and electronics. Oh yeah, I want to slap myself too. I was terrible. And for the one’s who had more than one child and one was running around screaming and carrying on, I know the look on my face was anything but supportive and understanding. What a naive know it all I was.

Flash forward to today where I have my very own bundle of beautiful hot mess and my baby eats puffs off the floor and loves Hotel Transylvania 3 on the iPad. She has one of my old phones and carries it around by the pop-socket. #rotten.

Please note that she is still in her jammies and this was around 4pm.

When we venture out of the house, sometimes she looks super cute with a bow and stainless clothing. Other times she looks like she’s been riding in the back of a farm truck eating dirt. You can only imagine how I look. I haven’t put makeup on since Easter pictures and I wash my hair maybe twice a week. I go to Target to visit my tribe of other moms who feel my pain and share my love for pouch food and anything that makes noise to distract/entertain.

So this is just a reminder to all of us that we don’t know sh*t. I’m learning as I go. What the hell did I know before I had a baby? Nothing. Why did I think it was ok to have a sassy look on my face while judging these mama’s? Bless my heart. I hate that I was that kind of woman who thought she knew more than the one who was down in the trenches making it happen. I do the best I can every day. Some days I have it together and drink my coffee hot, other days I wonder what I have gotten myself into and how will I be able to successfully function for the next 18 years while walking around with half wet puffs stuck to my shirt. We go to Target to keep ourselves sane, y’all. We give the baby that iPad so we can exhale and pee really quick. For those of you who are the kind of Mama who looks fantastic for every outing and feeds your baby all organic foods with no screen time involved anywhere, hit me up and teach me your ways. But if you give me another dirty look in Wal-Mart, I’m going to rub sticky old food on your white pants. Oh yes, I’m that petty. Let’s do better. Let’s show up for one another and pickup that sippy cup off the floor for that Mama who’s child has thrown it thirteen times and you can tell she’s about to have a panic attack.

I know you’re doing the best you can too, I see you.

Cheers to you! – Lana